November 25, 2014

Self-discovery



Lately, I've been drawn to books about achievement, self-control, and organization. I just finished listening to How Children Succeed - a book I thought would be applicable to raising our one-year-old, but that turned out to be an enlightening study of mostly teens and young adults coming from privileged and less so backgrounds. Now I am engrossed in The Organized Mind, and am steadily making my way through a book about Montessori principles, which I read in small bits when I am in the right mood. 

My interest in these books is not coincidental. For a while now, I have been thinking about my life, my goals, my true interests and passions... and what I am doing about it all. That is, nearly not enough. It is not a recent realization, really. I am generally satisfied with my life: I have a loving husband, a wonderful, healthy daughter, a home, the means to buy what I need without counting pennies. D and I have always wanted for me to stay home with the children while they are small and I am loving (almost) every day I spend with N. And yet... I want to do more. And I know that the only thing stopping myself from doing - being - more is myself. Shocker, right?

A recent post by Drea of ohdeardrea has really gotten me thinking about what exactly in my personality and behavior is hindering my progress in life, and I have identified some key points that I need to address and work on to begin moving forward.

I am afraid to step out of my comfort zone
This has always been one of my major struggles. I am an introvert by nature, which makes me somewhat stressed in situations where I have to interact with strangers, ask questions, and be heard. I tend to fall into familiar and comfortable patterns, re-reading books I like and re-watching my favorite shows. It takes me quite a while to adjust to big changes in my life, no matter how much I wanted them in the first place. I need to remind myself to take more chances, seek out new experiences (small things, I'm not talking about bungee jumping here), and be more proactive in social situations. 

I pity myself too much
Days with a toddler are not always easy, no matter how lovable they are. I feel like collapsing by the end of the day - and I often do! - but, really, I know that I perhaps exaggerate how exhausted I really am. What I need at the end of the day is a break from N... and I get it! D plays with her from the moment he comes home until her bedtime, while I often use this free time to read a book or catch up on blogs (or Pinterest, ahem). Sometimes, however, I do dishes, clean up, and prep food for next day meals, leaving the hours after we put N to bed to relax and catch up on leisurely activities. And I like the second scenario much better, of course, but...

I have poor self-control
I will eat those cookies if they are left in plain view and I will finish that open bag of chips. I have started and failed to maintain exercise routines multiple times and I have resolved to blog more often time and again. I need to come up with ways to keep myself in check... but I pity myself too much! It's a vicious circle... that only I can break, I know.

I am waiting for (divine) inspiration
I often think to myself: "If only I knew what my calling in life is... everything would be so much easier." I am stopping myself from moving forward by hoping to get inspired. Any day now... right? It's as though I am waiting for my life to begin, to take a new turn... But really, this is it. I am a grown woman. I have a degree. I am married. I have a child. How more real does it get? Maybe instead of waiting for inspiration to find me, I need to search for it myself by taking all kinds of different paths.

I take on too many projects at once
I love crafting. I love homemaking, cooking, reading, planning. These are all good interests and ambitions, but I tend to get caught up in beautiful, bright, shiny ideas (thanks, Pinterest) and drop what I was already working on half-way to begin something new. I am working really hard these day on finishing what I started. In fact, I stop myself from buying new project supplies until I use up what I have.

I expect easy success
This has been said multiple times now: the onslaught of social media these days makes everything seem so effortless and accessible. It is easy to get lured into this trap, to believe that bloggers just breezily write about their lives, that their casually snapped photos of their spotless homes and angelic kids just happen to catch the best light possible, that anything is attainable right now. It is easy to forget that real success takes work when in fact the opposite is true: it takes a lot of work to make it all seem so easy. I need to remind myself of this more often.


Wow. All that makes me sound like the laziest person on this planet doesn't it? I actually quite like myself most of the time (hence the self-pity!), but the above points are some that I really want to work hard on to become a better person. I am hoping that blogging can help me to achieve that. Because, who am I doing this for if not for myself? (This said, I love love love comments, dear readers... hint hint.)

Please, let me know: have you ever struggled to overcome some of your character flaws? How did you get around to doing it? Have you already found your calling or are you still searching, like me?

2 comments:

  1. Hello, Tania!
    I found your blog while doing my research
    (do crafts and seek inspiration by the net out, lol ...)
    and loved the text about self discovery.
    Think I'm going through the same question?
    All points that you described, are part of me, kkk!
    What has helped me a lot, are small notions of "coaching"
    (my daughter is master coach) I learned, and what I found
    so far is that I need DISCIPLINE ...
    Because of fear ... I just leave everything for later.
    Recently watched a video of Pastor Joyce Meyer on you tube,
    which opened a little more my stubborn mind, rs

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCSDA4fpenU
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oupjcA_Zyc8

    I know many people who are going through this process ... seeking answers.
    I hope your arrive soon;)
    I am starting my way out of the boat ... we will?
    I love your blog, all very beautiful and inspiring <3
    Luck on your journey!
    Thanks for the words and the beauty of his creations.
    God bless you,
    bjs
    Joana
    PS: I do not know English, so I used the google translator,
    please do not repair ... wanted to leave my comment, ok?

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  2. "As the New Year is fresh in mind, the dominant question in mind of everyone is, “How will you make 2015 a great year?”
    (\__/)
    (='.'=)
    (")_(")

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